Heart to heart...

I am actually dissapointed that lately my blog post havnt been verry... well, positive. But I naturally feel like I need to write, or in this case... type SOMETHING to get things out of my mind and out, somewhere else. So in saying that... I will try my hardest to make more... enjoyable/happy post. But untill then... i will just rant =/

--- For weeks now I have felt frustrated with just about everything and anything around me. I havnt at all been happy with the way my life seems to be going, because I know that im better than this. But it takes so much to make me see that.

I talk to my mom about EVERYTHING! But I try to keep my insecurities and stress to myself when it comes to her, because I know it kills her to see me like this. This has gotten so bad that I NEDDED to talk to her! I HAD to. Naturally as a mother she tells me "Well you know it will get better in time, you know im not a weak person, and i know you are not a weak person. So some times we just have to pull it together... get things done." This isnt exactly what I was looking for, as far as a responce. =//

I naturally go straight to my cousin afterwards... She is THE closest person to me and i felt that ofcourse she would understand. We talked and talked but yet she could only tell me what anyother person would tell me. "Stick it out, because you know you gotta get it done and it will be fine." This didnt work for me either. Because at this point... my breaking point... Its NOT ok!! Its NOT going to be fine. At least right now... that how i feel. Things are that bad.

In search for something MORE than the common cookie cutter answer I feel im getting I got to my boyfriend. We have been at this thing for 3 years now and I feel as if he knows me well enough to talk to about anything! As I sit on the phone balling my eyes out he can honestly tell me "Babe, things are bad right now, they are NOT ok... and you can cry as much as you want to." But what he did make me realize is that, if i really want things to be ok I cant let my tears and my stress get the best of me.

I used to be able to tell myself this :(

I cant let other people bring me down, because at the end of the day, thats what people want to see. I hate to say it, but it happens. I have too much to let myself break down completely. I have to pick myself up and like my mom said... get it done. I thank god every night for blessing me with the opportunities that i have, that some others dont.

Im not at all saying that I wont cry anymore... and that im over this, because i wont... and im not. Im human! And what these people have helped me to see, is that as long as i get over it, and pick myself up eventually, i can do it how ever i want...


I think... that i think too much =/

Its personal...

Where have I gone. I have become someone unrecognizable to even myself. The confidant, loving, goofy, outgoing girl, remains no longer. But why? Why does she cry over anything, even things so small. Why has strength become sensitivity, and laughs into tears? The things that once rolled right off her shoulders, now remain as weight, like the world is one her shoulders. She despratly wants to break free, but constantly keeps others in mind. When can she live for her self. When will she be able to look into the mirror and see the beautiful she once saw? When will she no longer feel discusted with her body or way of living? Because she once thought that she was more than fine the way she was. So what has changed? And when will it be back... to normal??

YAY! Christmas is near! I havn't been this excited for Christmas in awhile. This year will be the first year in awhile that my entire family will be spending the holiday together! I feel like a little kid again! LOL  =) BUT!! I figured in the holiday spirit I would share with you guys my x-mas wish list<3 Well... my top 4. =)
1.

CC Skye Meckenzie Knuckle ring...

2.

Pretty Blush bracelet set...

3.

Alice + Olivia Carlie scarf-detailed top

4.

BlackBerry Blod9700!!

Just my breaking point!

Have you ever felt as if everything in in your life was about to come crashing down on you any second now? If you haven't I really do hope you never do. These last two weeks or so have just been terrible. And if there is anything I hate in this world it is feeling out of control. Last saturday my car was broken into. Everything in that car that once was, is now gone. Why people feel as if they need to take from others, I couldn't tell you. After that my mom and I were at each others throats for several days, I woke up about an hour late everyday, and I just did NOT want to be around people. As I get older and grow wiser, things seem to grow harder. I guess thats just life. This week was the birthday of someone extremely close to me. Instead of enjoying this special day, this person was admitted to the hospital due to severe sickle cell pains. Ive been killing myself trying to get better knowledge of this, but only continue to read not so good things.I cant loose him! I just cant. I cant even imagine my life getting any worse. I am usually a strong minded person, but everyone seems to have a breaking point... right? I think this just might be mine. How do I move on? How do i push through this? HOW! 

Break up to Make up..

Do you ever hear that ONE song that just makes you wanna throw something at the speakers and eat a tub of ice cream, due to the fact it just reminded you of that ONE person you really don't want to think about?? 

Jeremih- Break up to Make up... 

This is it for me! I recently went out to a club this past weekend and of course, this song was played. I was having such a good time and as soon as I hear... "Yo, why should we break up, if we keep makin up? I mean... lets, just stay together" I HAD to sit down. =( I know this sounds absolutely ridiculous but I did. (Might I add I had tossed back a few drinks lol) This song brings back so many unwanted memories! I wont say of who, (just because we all know not ALL of us can be mature when reading a blogg with certain peoples names in it!!) but I will say this sucks. Knowing that back when this song would make me feel GOOD. Knowing that when we fight all I had to do was listen to some Jeremih and KNOW that we would only later be making up. Knowing that it wasnt the end of this. But now, it only reminds me of the end! So to all those girls who feel alone when that ONE song comes on... know you really arnt alone! And he probably wasnt worth it any ways. =) 

xoxo Jelisa

Beyonce ft. Lady Gaga- Video phone

This has to be about the hottest shit ive ever seen!! Beyonce and Lady Gaga?? Crazy ass collaboration but that shit worksss! I loveee it! 

L.A. Candy

So, I began reading this book today and I'm about half way finished. I really haven't decided if I like it or not. I'm a religious The Hills watcher and I'm sure we all know what The Hills is right? The somewhat pointless (but entertaining) show once starring Lauren Conrad (the author of L.A. Candy) and now Kristen Cavalari?? Anyways, I've been reading but I'm not entirely sure if the book is based off of true life events and the experience Lauren had during The Hills. ??!! All the characters seem to fit so far... She changes the names but in a way its somewhat obvious. I never watched Laguna Beach (I think that was the previous show she was on) so I cant figure out the beginning! Well, I love to read, I like Lauren Conrad, and I watch The Hills with out a doubt every Tuesday... So i guess I'll keep reading and see if I cant crack the "code" lol.